Despite the best of intentions…sometimes it’s just not meant to be. Here are 10 unfortunate signs your marriage is destined for destruction.

1. Your husband dropped you as he carried you over the threshold of your new home.  Now evil spirits will plague your families.

 

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2. Your groom saw you in your wedding gown BEFORE the ceremony.  Now he’s rethinking everything. 

 

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3. The ring bearer dropped the ring.  Ooops!  No matter…he’ll just be the first to die.

 

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4. You forgot to tie shoes and tin cans to the bumper of your car.  You’ll be bankrupt and destitute within a year. 

 

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5. No one caught the wedding bouquet. Now all your friends are PISSED that they’ll be spinsters forever...and you’re the focus of their rage.

 

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6. You guys forgot to bring a compass to the marriage bed and ended up falling asleep on your wedding night with your heads pointing East. Too bad; you’ll be divorced within a year. 

 

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7. You ran into a nun on the way to the church.  Now your womb is withering away. Better start getting on the list at some adoption agencies.

 

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8. Janet, your wedding planner, convinced you to wear a fascinator instead of a veil. Hope you like showing all the evil spirits your face!

 

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9. Since you run a famous bakery, it seemed natural for you to bake your own wedding cake.  Well keep baking honey, cause you’re gonna need to catch a new husband.

 

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10. You and your partner were both born in October.  You used to think it was serendipitous.  It wasn’t.

 

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But hey—if none of these things befall you on your special day, you’re golden! The only things you’ll have to worry about are: money, in-laws, kids, jealousy, wondering if you picked the wrong person, growing apart, keeping sex interesting, thinking you definitely picked the wrong person, and finally, one of you dying and leaving the other bereft. Enjoy!