Bridal boutiques like BHLDN are hawking “Bridesmaid’s Survival Kits” that hold emergency necessities like safety pins and tampons. 

Here are ten items we’d RATHER have in our Bridesmaid’s Survival Kit:

1. Mini-bar liquor bottles.

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2. Earplugs to drown out that groomsman who won’t stop talking about how much money he makes.

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3. Very expensive, dark chocolate. (You’ve got to keep your blood sugar up.)

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4. A folding chair so you can sit down during that long-ass ceremony.

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5. A recording of your therapist whispering soothing words to you.

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6. A vibrator. (No one’s going to see what’s going on under that dress.)

 

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7. Anti-depressants.

 

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8. Old lady moustache cream. (Don’t ask.)

 

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9. A robot bridesmaid to take your place.

 

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10. The perfect imaginary boyfriend to be your plus one.

 

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