1. Automatically turns everything into the right decision.

2. Well, if I don’t have a guardian angel guiding my every move, I don’t know who I’ve been talking to.

3. Much easier than facing the void

4. I found $20 on the street yesterday so I assume I’ll meet my husband next week.

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5. Because of course my life is on an unalterably positive, preordained path—Duh!

6. Destiny? Ah, so that’s why I’m single!

7. Would spend the whole day in the fetal position if otherwise.

8. Lets me avoid all traffic laws.